maybe your heart's completely swayed, but your head can't follow through...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:26:59 GMT

So for anyone who was unaware that I'm a sellout:

www.allisontebbe.blogspot.com

I'm sure I'll still write in here about as often as I do now...so like, what, twice a year?

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:48:07 GMT

"Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved one is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover's inward eye."

Maybe the goddamn book is good for something.
Even if I have to write 5 seperate papers on it, at least it has a few nice thoughts.

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 03:42:53 GMT

Possibly the most depressing thing in the world...
and pitifully controllable! I could talk about this crap for forever but I don't. And I won't. Which is good I think.
I'll just write vague Livejournal updates about how unfair and stupid it is.

"One good thing about music--when it hits, you feel no pain."

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 03:58:28 GMT

agkljhskjlghs;aljt;ahggnsdgnmlsbg?
Yeah.

Why doesn't ANYONE get it like I do?

"I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down just to keep you around
because the day that you realize how amazing you are you're gonna leave me."

You are my lucky star...

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 20:24:26 GMT

Upon watching many 50s/60s movies in a short period of time, I'm forced to wonder:

1. Why can't I have Gene Kelly? He is what I need.
2. Why aren't straight guys in real life like the ones in these movies? Cute, amazing dancers, perfectly in tune with the female psyche, yet manly.
3. Were the guys in these movies gay in real life?
4. Why was I born into this lameass time period?

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 02:48:37 GMT

"Take time to realize that I am on your side.
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple."

I wanna fast forward a year so bad.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:59:28 GMT

"I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call.

And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could...
Can't get my mind off of you."

When did I become the girl who posts lyrics as entries?

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 05:27:29 GMT

So as of late, I have had a really hard time processing reality. I realize that sounds stupid, but honestly, nothing feels real. I find myself sitting there watching the world and just feelings like it doesn't actually exist. I wish I could explain what it feels like but it's SO ODD. It started a couple of weeks ago--it used to just be periodic but now it's literally 23.5 hours of the day. I hope I snap out of it because it makes living a little bit droll. Especially with having things to do every waking hour and well into what should be my sleeping hours, it just sucks that I feel like I'm missing it because I don't even feel like it's happening. SO FUCKING STRANGE.

Assuming I was feeling normal though, I would need to remind myself that what I'm doing right now means nothing in the grand scheme of things-- spirit week was not created to ruin my existence, so I can't let it. Neither was E-board as a whole. I need to get it in gear and make things work. ASAP.

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:38:39 GMT

"Come on, take a step towards me so you can figure me out.
I've been hoping and praying for a single way to show you what I'm all about.

Just live your life a little for me...
Take the time to let it go.
Step away and watch me grow."

Things to remember:
-Interesting looking cigarette burn on hand
-Fingerprint bruises on arm from Miami Tyler
-Stu and Denzel from London
-Number of men on Bourbon who think Hayli, Brittany, and I are hot stuff
-Purple foot from Hayli's double-stiletto-step
-"You're beautiful, you could get any guy you wanted. I'm serious."
-Everything from that night
-Ridiculousness of the week of August 17th
-Smile sometime, Allison.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:59:15 GMT

I am so bad at this... I don't know how I'm going to get through the entire year. Having to deal with all of the stress with school and student council being exacerbated by losing all of my best friends to school. Ugh. I love that Livejournal exists with the soul purpose of allowing me to whine.

Honestly, there are just too many emotions to deal with. I want to skip ahead a year so bad. I need new people.

"And it's hard to do, but so easy to say. Sometimes you just have to walk away."

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:43:31 GMT

Can we please for a minute stop blaming
And say what you feel?

Did you think this would all be much easier
Than it's turned out to be?

Talk to me

If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the ten thousand women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now

If I didn't believe in you
We wouldn't be having this fight
If I didn't believe in you
I'd walk out the door and say,
"Cathy, you're right"
But I never could let that go
Knowing the things about you I know
Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew
It never took much convincing
To make me believe in you

Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax?
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?

I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine
Just hang on and you'll see-

No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin

If I didn't believe in you
Then here's where the travelogue ends

This is the thing I can't bear to lose
Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall

That's what I thought we agreed on
If I hadn't believed in you
I wouldn't have loved you at all

Is it absolutely pitiful that to get through half of my days I have to pretend someone is singing this song to me?

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:46:23 GMT

SO MANY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD AAAAAH

CONFESSIONS?! Superfun.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:45:18 GMT

1. I think there's so much you could be doing with your life, you're one of the greatest people I know, but for as much as you get "it," I think you don't get it a lot as well.

2. I wish I knew/understood you more. I love you, though.

3. I think you're a lot more oblivious than you realize, but I love you and I hope you stay in my life forever.

4. You'll always be there, I'll always be there, this will never change. I mean that in a good way. You really are a mess, though. Love you forever.

5. You make my life. You really are one of those people who gets it, and I'm not sure if you're aware of that or not... but keep doing what you're doing. I love you and I'm proud to know you.

6. You have a lot you need to face but you're going to get through it and be fine... I've always loved you a ton and always will.

7. Why are we what we are? I don't get it but I care about you a lot.

8. I miss you. So much. But I'm so glad you're happy and I love you.

9. I'm glad you're going to be with me this year because I don't know how the hell I would possibly make it through without your company and humor.

10. Why are you gone? I didn't do anything and you used to be my best friend. I miss you.

Hahaha, I just did that.
So upon reading this whole journal, soon I'm going to do a typeaboutfriends thing like I did forever ago because reading it was SO interesting and helped me remember a lot, so I want to let myself have that experience again in a year or so. So I'll get on that soon.

I'm writing in livejournal....haha.

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend...

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:31:07 GMT

Do you ever have one of those days when you just get it? I just had one...

I went to Audobon Park by the arch and big fountain and read a book and just thought a lot and came to the conclusion that that's what it's supposed to be like. The sun, fictional novels, sundresses without bras or undies, benches, scattered thinking... it's just good. It's right.

I don't want this year to come. Better yet, I would like to skip this year. I know I shouldn't want to skip senior year but almost everyone that matters to me is leaving and I just want to be gone too... not to mention my utter lack of interest in running St. Mary's Dominican High School. Le sigh. Why do I do this to myself?

While I do want to skip this year it also seems fully unrealistic that my life will ever pass teen years and high school... I've always thought I would die young but I feel like I may actually make it to college. Where am I going to college, by the way? I have to apply (...and get into?) colleges? Waddafuck. A year from now I will be preparing to live independently. ?.

I am not even going to attempt to update livejournal on my life, that would just be ridiculous. I may just type. Why am I writing in this anyway? Anyhow. So yesterday was Kyle and I's four monthaversary, which means we've been a thing for about half a year. ODD? Yes. Like on one hand I feel like we've been together for a good while but on the other side of things I feel like I just met him and he knows nothing about my life... it's strange to think about. Additionally, it's weird to think about the fact that it's been three years since JoshBrettCrazy summer. 3 years??? Like I've been keeping a long distance friendship with Brett for 3 years. Huh? Speaking of, I'm going to Dallas next weekend to spend time with Brett and the Dallas folk. Quite excited. I'll probably end up spending more time with Tim and the other Dallasians (?) than with Brett but I mean whatevz. It is what it is.

There are so many things I would like to write about that simply cannot be public. Off to my real people journal, perhaps.

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 08:09:04 GMT

foundmagazine.com rules my world.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 03:39:19 GMT

Three random thoughts.

1.

2.

and most importantly, 3.

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 03:49:59 GMT

I'm high but I'm grounded.
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed.
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby.
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine.
I've got one hand in my pocket.
And the other one is giving a high five.

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet.
I've got one hand in my pocket,
And the other one is giving the peace sign.

I'm sad but I'm laughing.
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit.
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet...

ALANIS, YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 06:06:11 GMT

"You're the answer to a question that I never posed."

Mon, 28 May 2007 16:30:03 GMT

I read stupid books.
I watch stupid movies.
If I were to judge me soully on my movies and books, I would think I was a loser.

I'm reaching some breaking point. Everything Tara says seems to be true. I hate when she's right-- I HATE IT. It's so disappointing. Because the truth is painfully depressing.

I'm grounded for a week. I've never truly been grounded so this is new. All because I insisted on driving. That's stupid. But what ifs and would haves don't exist so no use in being bitter now.

I don't want to go to D.C.
I did but now I don't. I don't want to leave for 10 days and have to be with all strangers. I know I'll make friends or whatever but honestly I'm no good at that stuff. I've settled in this world of people who don't remember what I looked like then and just accept me now but that's not how the world is. The world is harsh and mean. And that's sad but true. I just want to stay here and have friends.

My head is such a mess right now.

Couldn't choose.

"There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
and there's a fine, fine line between 'you're wonderful' and 'goodbye.'
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
but there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time."

"I wanted him... 'cause he was wrong. I'm not certain how, but with him now is where I belong. He's an idiot, and a stuffed shirt, and republican, too. I don't know why I love him, but I do."

"Oh, instincts are misleading, you shouldn't think what you're feeling, they don't tell you what you know you should want."

MY JUNK IS YOU. story of my life.

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 23:58:26 GMT

April 10, 2007.
Dear God-- wasn't it 2003 like 9 days ago?
Zombie Prom I can't quite tell if it went great or not, but at worst it was decent. I had fun performing it at least. Except for Easy to Say but hey, only hating one number in a show is a vast improvement.
The cast party was mildly fucked up. But what would a party be without a little bit of ksjlhglksdg?
Seussical starts in a couple of weeks or so, and that's exciting. Brandt Blocker, you will regret not casting me 2 years ago! (HA. Wish I had a tape of that audition...)
I can't believe summer is so close. Yet so far... NSLC scares me. Strangers. 10 days. Aaaah.

"Chimerical. It means unreal, magical, visionary, wildly fanciful, highly unrealistic..."
p.s.- WHY ME?! like you have a ^%#!&$#!^$ and yet you act all @^#%&$%*. WHY?! And you're great. Asshole. Like who does this? Confusingconfusingconfusing. I don't understand me... generally, boys have no effect. Like I mean I like them but I don't get all nervous and shit. So what the fuck, Allison? Get it together.

Oh and junior elections. Ew.

two songs apparently play to my mood at the moment.

"I know there’s so much more to find
Just in looking through myself, and not at them
Still, I know to trust my own true mind
And to say there’s a way through this..."

"I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear..."

i can't believe it.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 21:42:24 GMT

it makes no sense.
all yesterday i was fine, but then at school today... no. just no. crying. everyone was so lifeless...

a 16 year old... someone I AM FRIENDS WITH. dead. within 20 seconds of impact. it makes no sense.

i'm not sure what gets to me most, the thought of the car on top of him, or him whispering to maryclaire for her help, or the stranger holding his hand as he died, or don in hysterics trying to lift the car himself... whatever it is, it gets me a lot.

it sounds so stupid but you really never think this stuff is going to happen until it does. and suddenly the world is just a much realer place. i hate it.
why the fuck did he have to be so dumb? i just want to yell at him.
FUCKING PRESIDENT OF GNO STUDENT COUNCILS, but you had to drink and drive and be a fuckhead.

like i can look at my facebook and see messages from him 4 days ago... it's too much.

with kyle things were totally different. i was ready for that so i was alright. but this... preston... completely out of left field.
and it's interesting to see all of the people who called him an asshole crying about his death. i'd imagine they feel pretty guilty.

i couldn't concentrate on a thing at school today. nothing. it was all too much... and taking two tests when you can hardly write isn't a breeze.
everything just seems so fucking trivial. like why should i spend 2 hours studying about the periodic table when such big things are happening? i hate it. HATE IT.

there's so much more i want to say about it all... i don't feel like sitting here crying though. if any of you are prayers (or even just thinkers or hopers) PLEASE pray (or whatever you do) for preston. and his family and friends who are all wrecks.

"there must be borrowed angels, here in this life.
they come along into this world, and make this world bright...
they can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent,
and sometimes, heaven needs them back again."

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:02:28 GMT

What is your full name?: Allison Gabrielle Tebbe
Are you named after anyone?: negatory
Do you like your name?: It's alright.
Would you name a child of yours after you?: ew.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Scott
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Tebbe? You bet.

Basics
Your gender:: femaleish.
Are you hearing, hard-hearing or deaf?: i have supersonic hearing. seriously.
Straight/Gay/Bi:: straight.
Single or in the relationship?: single. it's still somehow new. it's weird.
Birthdate:: Sept. 3, 1991. youngin.
Birthplace:: Oschner
Your age:: 15. too young.
Age you act:: way older.
Age you wish you were:: not 15.
Your height:: 5'.75"
Eye color:: blue
Hair color:: dirty blonde. really more brown nowadays.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: lefty/amb.
Have any pets?: Iko the Pshycho and Buddy
Whats your job?: Mayor of Loserville
If you don't have job, are you high school student or college student?: Indeed.
Piercings?: None.
Tattoos?: Nada.
Obsessions?: too many.
Addictions?: people. food. edible people?
Do you speak another language?: spanishish.
Have a favorite quote?: millions. things Henry D.T. says.
Do you have a webpage?: would you call annoying social sites websites?

Deep Thoughts About Life and You
What do you want to be in future?: my mind changes a lot. i want to be happy.
Do you have any secrets?: of course.
Do you hate yourself?: sometimes.
Do you like your handwriting?: it's nice.
Do you have any bad habits?: innumerable.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: i don't get compliments. sniffle. (haha.)
What's your biggest fear?: rejection, lonliness, feet.
Can you sing?: on a good day. a really good day. so that means not really.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: all the time. resent myself for it.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: a lot of things.
Are you passive or agressive?: passive usually with random bouts of agressiveness.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: i don't like the superlative.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: i wouldn't overanalyze things so much. maybe?
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: quite.
Do you think life has been good so far?: generally, yeah.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: let it roll.
Are you confident?: depends on who i'm with.
Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes.

The way how you look
What is your style?: Allison Tebbe.
What do you like the most about your body?: eyes in the right lighting or wrists.
And least?: everything left over.
Do you think you are good looking?: rarely.
What did people said how you look?:rephrase the question, please?
Do you think fashion is worth to you?: no.

Do You...
Smoke?: nah.
Do drugs?: nah.
Pray?: yeah.
Go to church?: no.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: sure.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: if they're there... not usually.
Take walks in the rain?: if the notion appeals to me.
Talk to people even though you hate them?: if i must.
Talk to people even though they are boring?: all the fucking time.
Drive?: yeah.

Would or Have You Ever?
Hurt yourself?: not purposely.
Was arrested?: nope.
Been out of the country?: no. :/
Eaten something that made other people sick?: probably.
Eaten sushi?: no.
Been in love?: all the time.
Dated someone that are ain't good looking?: yeah.
Done drugs?: yes. (not a habit.)
Gone skinny dipping?: yep.
Lied to your parents?: too often.
Had a medical emergency?: yeah.
Had surgery?: adnoids!
Ran away from home?: camila and i. but it was her home.
Gotten beaten up?: yeah.
Beaten someone up?: yeah.
Been picked on?: NEVER. ha. meet my friends. all they do is pick on me.
Been on stage?: of course.
Slept outdoors?: often.
Talked on the phone all night?: yep.
Talked on the Aim all night?: yes, THE AIM was used all night.
Slept all day?: yeah.
Made out with a stranger?: ...yeah. well i mean i knew his name.
Thought you're going crazy?: every day of my life.
Kissed the same sex?: yeah.
Been betrayed?: yep.
Had a dream that came true?: don't think so.
Met a famous person?: quite a few.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: yeah.
Stolen anything?: probably.
Been on radio/tv?: indeed.
Had a nervous breakdown?: of course.
Curse to your teacher?: nope. not to her face.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: nope.

Beliefs
Believe in life on other planets?: i don't know.
Believe there have a aliens?: not sure.
Miracles?: sure.
Astrology?: nah.
Magic?: no.
God?: yeah.
Satan?: maybe.
Ghosts?: nah.
Luck?: maybe.
Love at first sight?: attraction at first sight.
Witches?: no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: i sure hope so.
Do you wish on stars?: sadly.

Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: i'm not exactly sure.
Do you think God has a gender?: not really. though i call him a he.
Where do you think we go when we die?: that's up to you.

Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: EW, HOMOS!
Who is your best friend?: darren hayes.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: tara tebbe/darren hayes.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: not sure.
Who's your longest known friend?: ashley.
Friends you miss being close to the most?: college kids.
Last person you talked to online?: will or josh.
Who do you talk to most online?: probably darren.
Who are you on the phone with most?: darren or brett.
Who do you trust most?: darren.
Who listens to your problems?: darren... ok stop being in my answers.
Who do you fight most with?: ...darren. but i don't fight. i don't get into that shit.
Who's the nicest?: candace or matt.
Who's the most outgoing?: me. haha. kidding. i don't know.
Who's on your shit-list?: don guidry. not that he's a friend.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: sure.
Who's your second family?: casanovas.
Do you always feel understood?: no.
Who's the loudest friend?: not sure. alex?
Do you trust others easily?: i try not to but i secretly do.
Who's house were you last at?: i can't remember, people always just come to MY house.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:: yours.
Do your friends know you?: i hope so.
Friend that lives farthest away:: brett. and the college kids.

Love and All that
Do you consider love a mistake?: nah.
What do you find romantic?: casualness.
Turn-on?: everything that turns everyone on. this is such a silly question. everyone says the same thing.
Turn-off?: too quiet, egotistical, condescending...
First kiss?: p. crag's house. back road. D.H.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: been there. feels sad.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: know then go.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: never.
Have you ever been romantically attracted 2 someone physically unattractive: yeah.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: the ugly ones.
What is best about the opposite sex?: everything.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: the assholes. i don't know many of them, though.
What's the last present someone gave you?: beverly suffern, advent angel gift yesterday.
Are you in love?: probably. what's fun without being in love?
Do you consider your significant other hot?: the ideal imaginary one? CHYEAH.

Your Personalilty
Newest?: my newest personality?
Shyest?: i'm never shy.
Funniest?: i'm funny.
Sweetest?: i'm not very sweet.
Weirdest?: i'm probably weirder than i like to let on.
Smartest?: i'm pretty damn smart.
Coolest?: yeah.
Popluar?: quite.
Bitch/Bastard?: when talking to tara and dionne.
Nicest?: i can be.
Meanest?: nah.
Ditziest?: i hate ditzy.
Slut?: nope.
Jerk?: nah.
Whore?: oh yeah.

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: um.
You wanted to kill?: ________
That you laughed at?: ally
That laughed at you?: the world.
That turned you on?: that guy at the place.
You went shopping with?: i don't shop.
That broke your heart?: thanks for reminding me.
To disappoint you?: this quiz.
To ask you out?: matt. wow really?
To make you cry?: myself?
To brighten up your day?: brother martin.
You saw a movie with?: rob?
You talked to on the phone?: ally
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: again, will or josh

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: no.
What are you wearing right now?: nimpho.
Body part you're touching right now:: ..........
What are you worried about right now?: exams. tomorrow.
What book are you reading?: finished some book a few minutes ago. not sure which one to start now.
What's on your mousepad?: don't have one. LASER MOUSE.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: exausted, bored, unenthusiastic, fat, malleable
Are you bored?: yeah. though i should be studying.
Are you tired?: very.
Are you talking to anyone online?: no.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: nope.
Are you lonely or content?: both.
Are you listening to music?: no.
Are you watching television?: nope.
Are you using computer or laptop?: computer.
Are you using myspace or xanga?: nope.
Are you agure someone?: agure? i agure YOU.
Are you thinking about someting?: how much i have to get an A on my exam tomorrow to get an A in english and how you're wasting my time.

"You need to touch someone
Need to feel something inside
Don't stand in fear, you don't have to run and hide
It shines on you, it shines on me
It's everything and anything you want it to be"

and then we kissed a beautiful kiss

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 20:18:06 GMT

SO. Who's in a trendwhore mood?
::raises hand::

And these are totally not in any order. In fact, they're OUT of order. Baaaam.

1. I remember when we met I thought you thought I was crazy. I'm sure you did. I used to get annoyed with you sometimes but I really do love you a lot and I'm so glad we're spending time together.

2. It's weird to think about how close we used to be. Really weird. You still mean a lot to me.

3. I don't get you!!! You make no sense. Do you have a clue what the fuck you're doing to me? I don't think you do. Ugh, but you're great.

4. I hate what our friendship is now. You know-- nonexistent? It's not fair and I know you don't want it like this.

5. You're there always and forever. Always have been always will be. Thanks and I love you.

6. You are one weird guy. And you're way too paranoid. I think you're a little bit crazy.

7. I know you too well. But you still kind of screw me over sometimes. I guess I can handle that though because without you life would definitely not be the same and I love you a lot.

8. I miss you so much and I hate that you're gone. I hate that we only talk once or twice a week and one of us is usually fucked up when those conversations take place. I love you so much but things just aren't the same and probably never will be.

9. I ADORE YOU. You're the most hilarious person ever and you entertain me for forever. I'm glad I found someone to hang out with crazier than I am who doesn't give a shit what people think.

10. Sometimes I avoid you, or use you for your friends, and that's sort of an asshole thing to do. But I love you and you mean a lot to me.

OK, so a couple were a little obvious.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 00:38:16 GMT

i'll of course begin in the manner in which i ALWAYS begin:
it's been forever and life's crazy.

i'm sick... i never used to get sick. ew, body.
i actually have a lead in the play.. that's exciting. would be more exciting if anyone could act/it wasn't shakespeare.
note to brother martin: NEVER DO SHAKESPEARE.
but uh yeah... come see it. i'm married to ethan and broc and jobi are my lover (DC bitches). (yes, you can die now.)

went to nyc. loved it. of course.
spelling bee is so fucking hilarious.
and i'll always love rent of course. i'm such a fag, no matter how many times i see it i get goosebumps constantly every time.
i like gorgeous men.

i have no desire to type in this thing. eh.

"to be that good, it must be taxin. no such thing as satisfaction-- you're makin things happen while i'm relaxin like a sunday afternoon..."

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 15:59:58 GMT

Oh, life. Dear sweet life. You are such a mess. I love you.

So I don't really wanna talk about school but it's potentially the most stressful thing ever. What sucks is that it would be SO easy if I applied myself. But of course I don't. That would require EFFORT and FORETHOUGHT. Weird.

A lot of stuff has happened throughout the past month.
Ok maybe not. I think I just felt inclined to say that since I feel like maybe fun stuff should have happened. Not that there wasn't periodic fun. There was I guess.

I really do love my friends. Well my REAL friends. You know who you are and I love you.

I've seen total art a couple of times.
Ouch.
I can't decide whether or not to try out for the play on Tuesday. I hate the concept of doing it but at the same time I feel semi-obligated. Plus I don't think I'd get a lead and doing that show not being a lead = sldkghjksgew.

I want to be healthy. SO BADLY. I suck.
Ugh there's so much stuff I feel like writing about but I lose it all as soon as I actually go to update. Sadface.

"and pray to God he hears you...pray to God he hears you..."