![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/77203039/4873461) |
maybe your heart's completely swayed, but your head can't follow through...
|
| So for anyone who was unaware that I'm a sellout:
www.allisontebbe.blogspot.com
I'm sure I'll still write in here about as often as I do now...so like, what, twice a year? | comments: Leave a comment   |
|
"Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved one is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover's inward eye."
Maybe the goddamn book is good for something.
Even if I have to write 5 seperate papers on it, at least it has a few nice thoughts. | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
Possibly the most depressing thing in the world...
and pitifully controllable! I could talk about this crap for forever but I don't. And I won't. Which is good I think.
I'll just write vague Livejournal updates about how unfair and stupid it is.
"One good thing about music--when it hits, you feel no pain." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| agkljhskjlghs;aljt;ahggnsdgnmlsbg?
Yeah.
Why doesn't ANYONE get it like I do?
"I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down just to keep you around
because the day that you realize how amazing you are you're gonna leave me."
| | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Upon watching many 50s/60s movies in a short period of time, I'm forced to wonder:
1. Why can't I have Gene Kelly? He is what I need.
2. Why aren't straight guys in real life like the ones in these movies? Cute, amazing dancers, perfectly in tune with the female psyche, yet manly.
3. Were the guys in these movies gay in real life?
4. Why was I born into this lameass time period? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "Take time to realize that I am on your side.
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple."
I wanna fast forward a year so bad. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| "I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call.
And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way.
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could...
Can't get my mind off of you."
When did I become the girl who posts lyrics as entries?
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| So as of late, I have had a really hard time processing reality. I realize that sounds stupid, but honestly, nothing feels real. I find myself sitting there watching the world and just feelings like it doesn't actually exist. I wish I could explain what it feels like but it's SO ODD. It started a couple of weeks ago--it used to just be periodic but now it's literally 23.5 hours of the day. I hope I snap out of it because it makes living a little bit droll. Especially with having things to do every waking hour and well into what should be my sleeping hours, it just sucks that I feel like I'm missing it because I don't even feel like it's happening. SO FUCKING STRANGE.
Assuming I was feeling normal though, I would need to remind myself that what I'm doing right now means nothing in the grand scheme of things-- spirit week was not created to ruin my existence, so I can't let it. Neither was E-board as a whole. I need to get it in gear and make things work. ASAP. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "Come on, take a step towards me so you can figure me out.
I've been hoping and praying for a single way to show you what I'm all about.
Just live your life a little for me...
Take the time to let it go.
Step away and watch me grow."
Things to remember:
-Interesting looking cigarette burn on hand
-Fingerprint bruises on arm from Miami Tyler
-Stu and Denzel from London
-Number of men on Bourbon who think Hayli, Brittany, and I are hot stuff
-Purple foot from Hayli's double-stiletto-step
-"You're beautiful, you could get any guy you wanted. I'm serious."
-Everything from that night
-Ridiculousness of the week of August 17th
-Smile sometime, Allison. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 11:34 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_boy/angry.gif) Complicated |
|
| Can we please for a minute stop blaming
And say what you feel?
Did you think this would all be much easier
Than it's turned out to be?
Talk to me
If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the ten thousand women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now
If I didn't believe in you
We wouldn't be having this fight
If I didn't believe in you
I'd walk out the door and say,
"Cathy, you're right"
But I never could let that go
Knowing the things about you I know
Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew
It never took much convincing
To make me believe in you
Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax?
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?
I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine
Just hang on and you'll see-
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
If I didn't believe in you
Then here's where the travelogue ends
This is the thing I can't bear to lose
Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall
That's what I thought we agreed on
If I hadn't believed in you
I wouldn't have loved you at all
Is it absolutely pitiful that to get through half of my days I have to pretend someone is singing this song to me? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| 1. I think there's so much you could be doing with your life, you're one of the greatest people I know, but for as much as you get "it," I think you don't get it a lot as well.
2. I wish I knew/understood you more. I love you, though.
3. I think you're a lot more oblivious than you realize, but I love you and I hope you stay in my life forever.
4. You'll always be there, I'll always be there, this will never change. I mean that in a good way. You really are a mess, though. Love you forever.
5. You make my life. You really are one of those people who gets it, and I'm not sure if you're aware of that or not... but keep doing what you're doing. I love you and I'm proud to know you.
6. You have a lot you need to face but you're going to get through it and be fine... I've always loved you a ton and always will.
7. Why are we what we are? I don't get it but I care about you a lot.
8. I miss you. So much. But I'm so glad you're happy and I love you.
9. I'm glad you're going to be with me this year because I don't know how the hell I would possibly make it through without your company and humor.
10. Why are you gone? I didn't do anything and you used to be my best friend. I miss you.
Hahaha, I just did that.
So upon reading this whole journal, soon I'm going to do a typeaboutfriends thing like I did forever ago because reading it was SO interesting and helped me remember a lot, so I want to let myself have that experience again in a year or so. So I'll get on that soon.
I'm writing in livejournal....haha. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Do you ever have one of those days when you just get it? I just had one...
I went to Audobon Park by the arch and big fountain and read a book and just thought a lot and came to the conclusion that that's what it's supposed to be like. The sun, fictional novels, sundresses without bras or undies, benches, scattered thinking... it's just good. It's right.
I don't want this year to come. Better yet, I would like to skip this year. I know I shouldn't want to skip senior year but almost everyone that matters to me is leaving and I just want to be gone too... not to mention my utter lack of interest in running St. Mary's Dominican High School. Le sigh. Why do I do this to myself?
While I do want to skip this year it also seems fully unrealistic that my life will ever pass teen years and high school... I've always thought I would die young but I feel like I may actually make it to college. Where am I going to college, by the way? I have to apply (...and get into?) colleges? Waddafuck. A year from now I will be preparing to live independently. ?.
I am not even going to attempt to update livejournal on my life, that would just be ridiculous. I may just type. Why am I writing in this anyway? Anyhow. So yesterday was Kyle and I's four monthaversary, which means we've been a thing for about half a year. ODD? Yes. Like on one hand I feel like we've been together for a good while but on the other side of things I feel like I just met him and he knows nothing about my life... it's strange to think about. Additionally, it's weird to think about the fact that it's been three years since JoshBrettCrazy summer. 3 years??? Like I've been keeping a long distance friendship with Brett for 3 years. Huh? Speaking of, I'm going to Dallas next weekend to spend time with Brett and the Dallas folk. Quite excited. I'll probably end up spending more time with Tim and the other Dallasians (?) than with Brett but I mean whatevz. It is what it is.
There are so many things I would like to write about that simply cannot be public. Off to my real people journal, perhaps. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm high but I'm grounded.
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed.
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby.
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine.
I've got one hand in my pocket.
And the other one is giving a high five.
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet.
I've got one hand in my pocket,
And the other one is giving the peace sign.
I'm sad but I'm laughing.
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit.
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet...
ALANIS, YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I read stupid books.
I watch stupid movies.
If I were to judge me soully on my movies and books, I would think I was a loser.
I'm reaching some breaking point. Everything Tara says seems to be true. I hate when she's right-- I HATE IT. It's so disappointing. Because the truth is painfully depressing.
I'm grounded for a week. I've never truly been grounded so this is new. All because I insisted on driving. That's stupid. But what ifs and would haves don't exist so no use in being bitter now.
I don't want to go to D.C.
I did but now I don't. I don't want to leave for 10 days and have to be with all strangers. I know I'll make friends or whatever but honestly I'm no good at that stuff. I've settled in this world of people who don't remember what I looked like then and just accept me now but that's not how the world is. The world is harsh and mean. And that's sad but true. I just want to stay here and have friends.
My head is such a mess right now.
Couldn't choose.
"There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
and there's a fine, fine line between 'you're wonderful' and 'goodbye.'
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
but there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time."
"I wanted him... 'cause he was wrong. I'm not certain how, but with him now is where I belong. He's an idiot, and a stuffed shirt, and republican, too. I don't know why I love him, but I do."
"Oh, instincts are misleading, you shouldn't think what you're feeling, they don't tell you what you know you should want." | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| April 10, 2007.
Dear God-- wasn't it 2003 like 9 days ago?
Zombie Prom I can't quite tell if it went great or not, but at worst it was decent. I had fun performing it at least. Except for Easy to Say but hey, only hating one number in a show is a vast improvement.
The cast party was mildly fucked up. But what would a party be without a little bit of ksjlhglksdg?
Seussical starts in a couple of weeks or so, and that's exciting. Brandt Blocker, you will regret not casting me 2 years ago! (HA. Wish I had a tape of that audition...)
I can't believe summer is so close. Yet so far... NSLC scares me. Strangers. 10 days. Aaaah.
"Chimerical. It means unreal, magical, visionary, wildly fanciful, highly unrealistic..."
p.s.- WHY ME?! like you have a ^%#!&$#!^$ and yet you act all @^#%&$%*. WHY?! And you're great. Asshole. Like who does this? Confusingconfusingconfusing. I don't understand me... generally, boys have no effect. Like I mean I like them but I don't get all nervous and shit. So what the fuck, Allison? Get it together.
Oh and junior elections. Ew.
two songs apparently play to my mood at the moment.
"I know there’s so much more to find
Just in looking through myself, and not at them
Still, I know to trust my own true mind
And to say there’s a way through this..."
"I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear..." | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
|
maybe your heart's completely swayed, but your head can't follow through...
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
1_bittersweet's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_boy/sad.gif){kind=small}
crappy
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_boy/determined.gif){kind=small}
determined